Tuesday, September 6, 2011

5 Questions With Tyler Tarver

A joyful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17.22

A little comedic relief breaks up the toughest day and when I need a laugh, I head over to Tyler Tarver’s site because - gosh darn it - he’s funny. Tyler has written a book called, Words & Sentences and he’s pimping himself trying to promote it. You should buy it – it’s good because Tyler said. I found him hitchhiking along the information super highway (that’s what the internet used to be called) and felt sorry for him. Enjoy the humorous detour and then when you are done, check out his site for more from Tyler Tarver.

This is an exact representation of Tyler Tarver

Question 1: Congratulations on writing a book and knowing so many words. Did it take you a long time to learn words and then to know how to put them into sentences? What would you say to others who have a dream of knowing lots of words?

Not really so much. I have this word of the day toilet paper, and I eat a lot of Taco Bell with eggs and Mexican food, so I spent a lot of time “learning”.

If you want to ever know so many words your brain grows twice it’s size like mine, just read a lot, and by “read a lot”, I mean poop constantly.

Question 2: I’ve heard that you moonlight as a math teacher by day but really you are an intergalactic ninja that protects the world (or at least Arkansas) from certain doom and annihilation. How would you respond to that?

I have no idea what you are talking about, have you seen the weather outside? Also I would like you to notice the lack of pirates and/or pilates in Arkansas, and would assume that some sort of ninja type person named Me would be the reason. We hate pirates and similar sounding words.

Question 3: You live in the same place where last year, birds fell from the sky, dead. Have you seen Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, The Birds, and wonder if maybe you were living in the Twilight Zone?

Yes I have seen it, it was awesome and just like our experience. The only difference was that Anne Hathaway wasn’t there but it still had all of the elements of the first movie except you really get to see her come into her own as the future Princess of Genovia. Wait, what movie?

Question 4: One of your videos had an appearance on the TV show, Tosh.O; do people treat you different now? Since that video aired, do you demand that when you are served M&Ms, they remove all the brown ones?

Of course, if I didn’t, would I even have to require people to call me Sir PrimaDonna, and chew up my food for me at restaurants? I’d answer that but I’m completely above it, like a halo.

Question 5: If you could only have 1 person in the world read your book, who would you choose and why?

The person reading this right now, so that they would be guilted into buying it and I’d have enough money to support my Beanie Baby addiction.

Bonus Question:

Canada is the country north of the United States. If a train left Seattle going 30mph and another train left Boston going 50mph, would they know how to find Canada?

Trick question: None of the Above, Canadians ride horses.

In the comments: if you read Tyler’s book in the forest, would you read out loud?

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