On November 1, I was completely excited; the kind of excitement where your voice becomes vibrato and slightly shrilly and your palms are sweaty and you can’t stop bouncing around because finally, finally, I was going to get answers direct from the Lord to my questions I’ve been asking for months, even years. It started great - in my morning time when I talk and visit with the Lord, he gave me a very specific verse that confirmed what I felt in my spirit, 1 John 2:27, As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone else to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and that anointing is real, not counterfeit – just as it has taught you, remain in him. Wow. I was over the moon, and I couldn’t wait until the next day when the real Q&A time would begin, except…
The first day was the only day that I’ve heard the Lord clearly. My excitement started to wane around day 7. I’m pressing on but my focus is all over the place and doubt and self-condemnation seem to rule my recorded thoughts. I believe the promise I received on the first day but I’m not seeing it in action, in fact, I’m seeing the opposite. I’m more confused and God seems further and further away.
Yesterday, as I was whining, yet again, to the Lord, I felt a familiar nudge that directed me to Daniel 10:12-14; allow me to recap. An angel of the Lord is speaking to Daniel, and letting him know that from the first day that Daniel set his mind to learn and gain understanding, the angel was dispatched to bring him the answer but he was detained by demonic principalities that rule the air space overhead. After calling in reinforcement from Michael, one of the arch angels, he was released to bring Daniel the word.
The Lord reminded me there was more going on than my not hearing, and while I was whining and complaining, there was a spiritual battle going on. I’m pretty sure when we are distracted and feeling self-condemnation because we aren’t reading the Bible enough, or praying enough or something enough, we fail to realize there is a battle and we have an enemy. It’s hard to believe because all my readers are such awesome people, but the enemy we have doesn’t play fair. He’s dirty and if he can distract us and think it’s about our effort and our ability to hear God then we will never start praying on the offensive but remain in defensive mode.
I’d like to say that today was great and I started receiving fresh revelation for my [still] unanswered questions but unfortunately it wasn’t quite as stellar as that but it was a good day. I have a prayer strategy now and I know that God is always faithful to his promise and as someone recently told me, the duration I’ve waited to receive the answer is a pretty good indication of the enormity of the answer the Lord is going to bring.
How about you? Do you sometimes struggle with feeling like life is an endurance test, rather than active communication with the Father? Please tell me I’m not alone.